“I need bananas,” my 15-year-old says as I come downstairs.
“Then get up and go to the store with me,” I reply.
“No! I don’t want to go!” She says from a four-hour-nap fog.
“Fine, then I am gonna take a couple dollars of yours and go.”
“You are not going to use MY money” she retorts.
“It is YOUR school project! I just came from the gym! You have been sleeping all evening… and I have to go buy bananas with my money!?”
Spoiler Alert: She didn’t get the damn bananas! But she drove me bananas!
Teens can tear you down in a matter of seconds. The internal struggle I had over this was defeating: She needs bananas for a school project. I didn’t get them (oh the guilt). But I was at the gym and hate going to the store in gym clothes (if I am in spandex it is because my ass was sweating)! I should have remembered. Ugh, but work was crazy and I forgot (more guilt). She forgets to do chores all the time! She needs to learn to be proactive. But I want her to do well in school. Seriously?! She was asleep for four-hours (anger starts) while you were working and taking care of your health. Now she won’t even ride along to get them. And wait!!!! Her money is HER money and MY money is HER money!? Oh hell no! F*ck those bananas!
Honestly, there was much more to this whole story. I tried to help her figure out what else she could use for the project. She refused to talk to me and started plugging her ears with every question. Yes, my 15 year-old was plugging her ears like a 4 year-old and telling me to leave. So, like the good Mommy I am, I left!
At my significant other’s house, with my “kill me now” look, he validated me by replying to my story with, “Then she doesn’t get bananas!” Thank goodness he agreed because I felt like the worse mother in the world. This seems to be the norm at this stage in my life.
My oldest child and I had our issues, but once she matured enough to develop a sense of reason, she became the mediator between my youngest and me. Now that she has moved away for college we have no one to step in and calm both of us. We can go on and on and until one of us walks away it won’t stop. It makes it very hard to deal with when we are in public shopping and neither of us can escape the other as I am sure half the county can attest to.
Having her sister leave was hard on her. Having been diagnosed with two chronic diseases at 14 was hard on her. Not having a social life outside of the home is hard on her. Having a rough relationship with her father is hard on her. But all of this is hard on me, too. I need a break. I am a single mom trying to do it all alone. My ex-husband, has seen her two or three weekends the whole school year. So, it all falls on me: the medical appointments and bills, the worry about her health and diet, the school work, the expensive specialty food, the everyday teen expenses and decision making, the discipline. It all is on me and I feel under-appreciated by her.
I am sure every person raising a teen feels under-appreciated. The question all of my friends ask is, “Why does my teen drive me crazy?!” My answer has been this: Teens drive us crazy so we WANT them to move out at some point!
I know many twenty- and thirty-year-old people who still live at home. I even see some people and think, “she is gonna let that kid live with her forever!” I will not be that mother! I want successful adult children that I can say I raised. I want them to learn the hard lessons in life that make them stronger and more apt to take on the world and win! I want to be alone, hopefully with my lover, some day and look forward to visits from my kids and grand-kids (maybe even look forward to them going back home).
Don’t get me wrong, I will help my kids in anyway I can. I have had my share of times I had to move back home after a break-up or divorce. But they were brief. My parents were not my friends. They were my parents. The problem I see with so many single parents is that the kids and the parents are so close that it makes it hard to want them to leave. The parent feels they need the support of their child for emotional reasons. But, I had my daughter as a support (I mentioned she was the mediator in the home) and she moved out and guess what….. I am fine! Yes, my youngest teen and I fight. Yes, I miss my oldest child. Yes, she may come back home one day. Yes, I will be sad when they are both gone. And…. YES, it IS the norm for teens to move out, spread their wings and become their own person with their own lives and hopefully families. And yes, I will be there encouraging my kids to let their kids move out and spread their wings.
My kid is only 15 and we have over two more years of her living at home. I love her more than life and know it will get better. She is going through a rough time and it is hard on both of us. We learn, we grow and we deepen our love and respect for each other. She is a strong kid and will soon be a strong young adult. But until then we will fight, argue, disagree and naturally she will drive me bananas!
At my significant other’s house, with my “kill me now” look, he validated me by replying to my story with, “Then she doesn’t get bananas!” Thank goodness he agreed because I felt like the worse mother in the world. This seems to be the norm at this stage in my life.
My oldest child and I had our issues, but once she matured enough to develop a sense of reason, she became the mediator between my youngest and me. Now that she has moved away for college we have no one to step in and calm both of us. We can go on and on and until one of us walks away it won’t stop. It makes it very hard to deal with when we are in public shopping and neither of us can escape the other as I am sure half the county can attest to.
Having her sister leave was hard on her. Having been diagnosed with two chronic diseases at 14 was hard on her. Not having a social life outside of the home is hard on her. Having a rough relationship with her father is hard on her. But all of this is hard on me, too. I need a break. I am a single mom trying to do it all alone. My ex-husband, has seen her two or three weekends the whole school year. So, it all falls on me: the medical appointments and bills, the worry about her health and diet, the school work, the expensive specialty food, the everyday teen expenses and decision making, the discipline. It all is on me and I feel under-appreciated by her.
I am sure every person raising a teen feels under-appreciated. The question all of my friends ask is, “Why does my teen drive me crazy?!” My answer has been this: Teens drive us crazy so we WANT them to move out at some point!
I know many twenty- and thirty-year-old people who still live at home. I even see some people and think, “she is gonna let that kid live with her forever!” I will not be that mother! I want successful adult children that I can say I raised. I want them to learn the hard lessons in life that make them stronger and more apt to take on the world and win! I want to be alone, hopefully with my lover, some day and look forward to visits from my kids and grand-kids (maybe even look forward to them going back home).
Don’t get me wrong, I will help my kids in anyway I can. I have had my share of times I had to move back home after a break-up or divorce. But they were brief. My parents were not my friends. They were my parents. The problem I see with so many single parents is that the kids and the parents are so close that it makes it hard to want them to leave. The parent feels they need the support of their child for emotional reasons. But, I had my daughter as a support (I mentioned she was the mediator in the home) and she moved out and guess what….. I am fine! Yes, my youngest teen and I fight. Yes, I miss my oldest child. Yes, she may come back home one day. Yes, I will be sad when they are both gone. And…. YES, it IS the norm for teens to move out, spread their wings and become their own person with their own lives and hopefully families. And yes, I will be there encouraging my kids to let their kids move out and spread their wings.
My kid is only 15 and we have over two more years of her living at home. I love her more than life and know it will get better. She is going through a rough time and it is hard on both of us. We learn, we grow and we deepen our love and respect for each other. She is a strong kid and will soon be a strong young adult. But until then we will fight, argue, disagree and naturally she will drive me bananas!
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