NFL vs Trump vs North Korea

It is football season and every weekend my man and I are poised in front of the television watching college and NFL games. This is a time to relax, let go of life’s responsibilities and connect with each other. This past weekend, while watching NFL, it was made clear that something had happened to cause great controversy. The leader of our great nation had basically declared war on the NFL due to the peaceful protests of some players that had been kneeling during the national anthem. In an effort to feel united after this attack by Trump, many teams stood with linked arms and continued to allow other players to kneel or peacefully protest in whatever way they chose to do so. In my opinion this is their right and by no means does it detract from the entertaining game of passion and strategy. The real threat for me lies on the other side of the earth in another country. Unlike the men who simply want to bring light to racial dissension across their country which is supposed to be the land of the free, this is a threat that could potentially cause significant loss of life around the globe.

Social media is blowing up since Sunday with photos of players kneeling and boycott stances against the NFL. Television shows are talking and even holding interviews with the flag itself to discuss the disrespect it is enduring. Discussions are dragging military and veterans into the fight. Lists are created with what teams, owners and players did for the anthem. Celebrities and  anthem singers have taken stands (or a knee) in support or opposition of the movement. Some are completely clueless as to the origins of the ‘take a knee’ protest and others have just created their own meaning of the importance and impact on the country. The real issue for me is that our President decided to use negative words to attack citizens of our great country for standing up (or more specifically taking a knee) for what they believe in. I thought that was what our country was founded on, the ability to have our own beliefs and act on them without fear or persecution.

It is no secret that I do not support this president. As a centrist, and an independent voter, I cannot wrap my mind around the behaviors of Donald Trump. He takes to Twitter to attack… well, EVERYONE! He has waged war on Democrats, his own administration and regular citizens... and the whole world is watching and reading his every (seemingly ignorant) word. He uses more negative language, including name-calling, than my two teenaged daughters! They would never take to social media to tear apart someone’s reputation. Donald Trump does this on a daily basis, most recently tweeting words that have caused North Korea to feel as though he has declared war on their country. Yes, Kim Jong-un is guilty of horrific acts, but most mentally intact people know you do not taunt an unstable person. Trump has repeatedly called him “Little Rocket Man”. There are no words to describe my appall at this type of name-calling.  In this situation we have one mentally unstable person taunting another mentally unstable person at the expense of not only the United States but the entire world!

The NFL drama is an intriguing focus of people who do not follow politics. Becoming offended at others’ outcries for respect is easy when you come from a different lifestyle. The term privilege is being thrown around and that makes people very uncomfortable. As a social worker I am no stranger to that term, as well as ‘social justice’. My so-called Facebook friends see disrespectful black people keeping racism alive. (This is not a topic that I choose to tackle in this writing.) What amazes me is that the very people boycotting the NFL for the peaceful protests, because it shows a lack of respect for the country and flag, are more concerned with that than the fact that North Korea has tested their missiles several times with the goals of reaching and destroying Chicago, a city that is not far from my small hometown! Do people not see the impact that could have on our physical lives, our families and loved ones!? Not to mention how a high altitude detonation of a hydrogen bomb would create an electromagnetic pulse (EMP) attack on our power grid, which could potentially bring the US to its knees, including hospitals, data networks and every technology our lives rely on. Officials have stated that the US is not protected against this type of attack, one that could cause loss of 90 percent of our population within a year of an EMP crippling attack. Is this all worse case scenario? Maybe, but what is the worse case scenario if we allow athletes to kneel during the anthem?! Not a loss of life at 90 percent!

My next question is, with all of this North Korean rhetoric happening, why is our president creating situations that pit American against American? Do you really believe our government and pentagon are discussing the NFL and people on their knees more than our national security!? You are sadly mistaken if you think they are. Our president is using diversion tactics to keep the country divided to slide his agenda(s) under the noses of the laypeople who are more concerned with the NFL’s stance on peaceful protest than what he just did to piss off a foreign enemy on the cusp of capabilities of mass destruction. There is so much more to this, but I feel it is a waste of my time to get into with people who only see things from their couches. I admit I am not “woke” to the intricacies of politics as much as others, but I also am not willing to boycott my favorite entertainment pastime when I know there are so many other threats on the horizon. I am NOT willing to fight with my fellow Americans over their actions that do not affect me personally when there are countries itching to go to war with us. And in the end, I can only hope that people become more aware of this president’s diversionary behaviors and allow others their freedoms without judgement. I can also hope for cheaper NFL tickets for my man and me! And yes, I will stand during the anthem!

Labels... Who Am I?

“If you label it this, then it can’t be that.” - Tom Wolfe, American author and journalist

What labels do I give myself? I am caucasian, a woman, hetrosexual, a mother, divorced… But there are so many other labels people give themselves that I do not want to submit to. Some labels I don’t even understand. This became apparent  when I was using an online dating site. As if dating in your 40s isn’t hard enough it is now convoluted with new labels that define people beyond what many of us who have spent most of our adult lives in a marriage can comprehend.

While setting up my online dating profile I was asked if I am “gay, straight, bisexual or other.” That was easy; I identify as straight or as I like to say hetrosexual because “straight” insinuates others may be ‘crooked’, ‘bent’ or not normal. Later it wanted me to clarify my sexual identity even more with terms that even I, a social worker and liberal thinker, had to look up. I understood homoflexible, asexual, heteroflexible and pansexual, but was confused at demisexual and sapiosexual. Being the curious person I am I googled the new terms.

Demisexual defines someone who has to have a deep emotional connection to someone in order to be sexually attracted to them. I pondered this and realized that was not me and therefore I was still correct checking the ‘straight’ box. Then I found the definition for sapiosexual, meaning someone who is sexually attracted to intelligence, which does define me to an extent. I have always said that deep conversation and a sound opinion, coupled with an open mind, is what turns me on. But this new label potentially takes me out of the straight category... or does it!?! Could that mean I am attracted to women who are intelligent? I am not, but this new “label” could indicate that since I am no longer in the “straight” category. This conundrum is when I am certain my head was ready to implode. Why are there so many labels? I cannot check just one box! Hell, there are times when I even fit into the demisexual box. I do like the specifications of these new labels, but it used to be as easy as saying, “I think a smart man is sexy.” Younger generations have taken it further and began using these technical labels for everything and I am not ready to conform! I definitely refuse to check the conformist box!!

Speaking of conforming, it is a time that labels are rampant in the political realm. There are Republicans, Democrats (or Dems), Centrists, Independents,  Libtards, Snowflakes and Trump Supporters. Yeah, that last one has enough of a negative connotation that it is a “label” in and of itself in my life. I normally label myself liberal but I am also a gun-loving liberal and have some views that fit with the right-wing agenda. I only recently began using the term “Liberal Centrist” but again I do not feel confident in this. Labels just do not cut it for me. I feel it needs explanation… unless you are a ‘Trump Supporter’, that label tells me enough about the box you fit in. Sad, but true. But if I choose one label then it seems I cannot have any part of the other labels and that is too confining.

There are also labels for religion, and again I do not fit into a perfect box. Am I agnostic because I believe in a higher power or atheist because there are times when I think the idea of a ‘God’ controlling my life is completely narcissistic and ridiculous? I don’t feel I am a Christian, though I believe there was a wonderful man named Jesus who walked the earth. Unfortunately other men have embellished his story to their liking and needs, in turn changing Christianity from the just and kind ways Jesus wanted it to be. This is another area where not fitting into a certain box can create many issues. If I say I do not check the Christianity box people may either severely judge me or try to sway me. If I submit to the opposite a lot of other assumptions are made about me. This is a subject I rarely discuss because religion and politics are rarely safe conversations.

Relationships are an easier topic to tackle. As of late, there has been the issue of defining my relationship with a man I adore. He sweetly asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend, a label I gladly accepted. I later pondered if at 42 I should use the word “boyfriend” because he is hardly a boy. The important part for me is that we defined our relationship in terms of monogamy and commitment. The label and reaction of others to “girlfriend, boyfriend, significant other, lover”, etc. are simply nothing to worry about. Once we defined the foundation, what label I use socially isn’t as important to me. Maybe all these other issues I have spoken of should follow suit. Dating, religion, politics… once I know my foundational beliefs then the rest, especially the labels, has to have conversations around it. Whether talking to friends, strangers, or lovers, conversation is the key.

Labels clearly give me pause and I am cautious about the labels I use to define myself, because like the opening quote states, to label myself one way doesn’t leave room for me to be another way. The important part is communication between self and others. Younger generations have done a great job of expanding the minds of society, albeit adding so many other labels and boxes to check. Having to place myself into new boxes with fear of being stuck there makes me uncomfortable. Knowing that these new labels are creating more conversations and potentially opening the minds of some traditional-minded people brings much joy to me, as well as those who now have more appropriate labels to use, and boxes to check, in order to define themselves. The mere fact that I enjoy having a conversation about these new social practices and the fact that I am attracted to a man that can do the same does fit me into that sapiosexual box, I suppose. Though I did not check that box on the dating profile, I still found a man who intrigues me with his mind. All it took was some in depth conversation to find this out, not a label. And one thing I am sure of is that I will always label myself a conversationalist.