Sorry. Not Sorry.

How many times in the grocery store do I find myself apologizing to someone who cut ME off or was in MY way? Too many! I will go to reach for a piece of fruit and someone will bump into me while not paying attention and I say that I am sorry to them. Why should I be sorry that they were not driving their cart in a responsible manner? Yet, women seem to apologize whenever we innocently need something, or genuinely create an issue. Oh hell, we even apologize when it is someone else’s fault or they are in the wrong. Better yet, we are so happy to say we are sorry, we will say it several times for one mistake that is easily fixed. Women seem to be almost addicted to groveling for forgiveness. I will not get into the nature vs. nurture argument that is spinning around in my head, but I have decided to make a change.  No more profusely saying, “I am sorry.” I am going to become stingy with my apologies!

Every day while working in an office where I am the only woman, I recognize the lack of (sometimes warranted) apologies for mistakes that are made by others. On the flip side, I listen as the women I talk to on the phone will say they are sorry for not getting back to me sooner. I know it is not a life-or-death situation so why apologize? I understand we are all busy. My email or phone call can wait for another day or two for your response (if not, there is a little red exclamation point I can click on). Now, if it has been two weeks, yes, an apology may be necessary but two days is hardly grounds for more than one, “sorry, I was out sick yesterday.” I get that circumstances may have been out of your control but ONE APOLOGY or explanation is sufficient. I also find myself apologizing when I miss a call from someone in our other office. I was busy… working!!! I am not sorry that I missed your call, so why do I say it over and over? “I was unloading a shipment when you called” is more than enough when I immediately call back to inquire of their need.

Interestingly enough I judge a man on his use of the word “sorry” in the dating realm, and I am not sorry for this. Though, true to the estrogen-way, I notice myself texting or saying that I am sorry for little things when communicating with men. After a while it makes me feel submissive. If he never uses it, when I feel he should, I see a red flag. Do these unapologetic men feel that they are perfect and never guilty of mistakes?! Then there are other guys who will say they are sorry for little things, like texting when I am busy or asking to come over too late at night. I find this a great indication of his manners, yet if her overuses the word then I begin to feel as if he is weak or I become numb to his apologies. Unfortunately, I have been in relationships where the man will use “sorry” after every time he cheats. Oh hell no! That word means nothing after the first (ok, maybe second) time! By the third or fourth time you might as well just say, “haha, fuck you! I am gonna feed you some bullshit in hopes to keep my bed warm with you while I jump around in other women's beds repeatedly.” (note: it isn’t always other beds, it can be cars, offices or the breakroom outback, but that is another blog). Due to the way this word has been loosely used it has lost its value. We either over use it, use it insincerely, or people do not use it at all. I am going to personally change this in my life.

Apologizing is just another habit for me and most women, in my opinion. We say we are sorry when our kids have a bad day, we say we are sorry if we say something that others don’t want to hear (but may need to hear), we say we are sorry…. JUST TOO MUCH! But I AM sorry when my kid has a bad day and I do mean that. When saying it to them I do it differently. I am usually holding them, and we are having a heartfelt conversation. This makes sense! When we are saying it because it is habit, it is said quickly... and I may even roll my eyes. Clearly not genuine. In my quest to give this word back its power I am going to make sure when I say it I mean it. I am going to have thought it through and made damn sure I am serious about the apology. In a perfect world (bahahahahahahaa… or as close as I can come) I will look the person in the eye, tell them I was wrong, explain why I feel I need to apologize, and say it sincerely… only ONCE! Of course if it comes across as being heartfelt that is all I should have to say it. Less equals more if the one time apology has depth. Hopefully I will personally break my habit and this will bring power back to my apologies and the word “sorry.”