Currently my personal mantra is, “Cultivate positive, revel in it, move on and continue to treasure that memory.” It has been a struggle to walk away from great experiences while remaining happy. Once the good experience ends I begin to focus on the negative aspects, such as, “why don’t I make more time for fun?” Or “Why is life so difficult?” and even “Why doesn’t he want more with me?” I get hung up on expectations I have for the future instead of being grateful for the wonderful time that I had.
I recently started to get to know someone and thought I would be interested in pursuing a relationship with him. He had some intriguing talents that I have always found desirable in a man. He invited me to go camping one night and I gladly accepted. We had a great time but I realized he missed his old lifestyle that he had claimed to be moving away from. The problem was, his old lifestyle would not fit into my current lifestyle...nor my future goals. So, I walked away from a wonderful weekend focusing on the negative feeling of disappointment. Why? I knew it wouldn’t work, but allowed myself to focus on the let-down of another failed relationship attempt instead of basking in the fun, exciting, positive experience we had shared together.
Positive experiences seem to come more sporadically in life as we get older. We begin to fall into a pattern of simply ‘living’ and then have to put forth effort to make new, fun, and exciting experiences. The camping trip was just that: fun, loving and new. Even if I knew from the beginning, which I did to an extent, that it was a short-lived “fling”, why not enjoy it for what it was? Besides, what else would I have been doing that weekend other than working on a house I had just purchased? It was exciting to live in the moment, enjoy the company and feel at one with nature. I have always been drawn to living mindfully, but do not often practice that “in the moment” focus. I fall back into the confines of expectation.
On the heels of this experience, an ex-boyfriend and I decided to get together on a casual-basis to enjoy some adult time. Our sex life was always wonderful, so why would I refuse to relive that? Expectation would want me to think that things would move into a relationship, yet I have thus far resisted obsessing over that and have done well by simply enjoying the fun, positive and warm trysts. I have had to remind myself that what we had was good, yet fell apart quickly and confusingly. Even if I want to be back to the happy relationship we once had, it is perfectly fine to allow the random times of happiness without looking ahead and assuming it is leading somewhere. Even if it is just one good night, it is better than a boring or bad night. It has felt freeing to live in the moment and to accept the positive!
I have shared my mantra with my friends who know I am a bit of a free-spirit because I do what I want and do not need anyone’s acceptance. I hope they can take some wisdom from my stories and create happier, more fulfilling lives for themselves. That is my goal. I want more positive, happy, and healthy experiences. I want to reduce the expectations that seem to leave me disappointed and often overshadow the good in life. There is good to be had every minute and we should be grateful, but when there is something that can be more positive we need to soak it in, store it in our memories and relive those memories as often as possible. We seem to have enough struggles and therefore deserve all the positive we can get in life.
