Work, kids, laundry, workouts, dates, housework, yard work, bills, groceries…. Life gets so busy there isn’t much time for “fun”. Things get monotonous with the same, week after week rituals and let’s be honest, “fun” with the kids gets stagnant. After many years in a marriage that was less than healthy, I lost contact with a lot of my friends; and sometimes I need adult conversation with someone other than my two teenage daughters and the men I work with. As a single mother I need a break from the norm to reignite a sense of excitement and belonging.
After my divorce it took several years to come to a place where I felt comfortable living again and owning my womanhood. Honestly, for a long time I thought “living” was dating men that I only hoped would turn into long-term partnership. It wasn’t until I started commiserating with other divorced, single mothers about those ridiculous men that I realized I may not ever want to be tied down again, whether in a marriage or a committed relationship. But that can be lonely. Then, after listening to one single friend that had kids full-time (no father visitations) I decided she needed to have grown-up conversations and to get away from her three boys. That is when I realized that she could get a small respite from the kids by spending one night a week with me at a local restaurant that happened to have a decent bar smack dab in the middle of it. It also allowed me some friend time, away from home. And so it began… one night out for drinks with a friend with whom I shared a lot in common.
This friend is a distant cousin that I had never been close with until we started having our mini-”therapy” sessions. It was good to get to know each other better and the conversations about kids and exes quickly turned into conversations about dating. I had been divorced a bit longer than her and had been dating since then, so I felt like I was giving her what no one had given me: honest experiences and advice to save her from the hell that can be divorced-single-mom life. This included advice on dealing with your ex-hole, handling kids on your own and dating douchebags. Soon we added another friend who is in a similar situation to our group and other women (some married) would join us some nights, as well. This became a weekly Girls Night that has now fallen on Thirsty Thursdays.
Once a week “girls night” allowed us to get out of the house, have adult conversations, develop new relationships, and relax with a drink. These nights always brought great stories, validation, advice and above all LAUGHS. Some nights there would be men hovering around trying to hit on us (we weren’t there for that), new women to share stories with, or old friends who happened to come in for a meal. And from all of these weekly experiences we had things to laugh about a few weeks later while we were all together again.
After a few months of our girls nights I realized I felt like I had purpose again, besides trying to find a male companion and work like a soldier to provide for kids. I felt a sense of belonging and had something to look forward to each week. I was making new memories and feeling alive. I had a group of friends that I could rely on. I wasn’t lonely and relied less on dating to squash my loneliness. I also hear that when our kids see each other at school they make jokes about our Thirsty Thursday nights. I feel a sense of pride that my daughters see me take time for me and put myself first, at least one night a week, because if you learn anything after divorce it is that no one is going to put you first except YOU. Kids need, need, need. Men seem to put you first when it is convenient for them or they want something in return. Family members have their own lives. I am setting an example for my daughters. Self-care is great for mental and emotional health.
Now, over a year later, I have a serious male companion and I am lucky that he understands the sacredness of Thirsty Thursday Girls Night. He knows that my group of girlfriends is important to me and I am not willing to give up my friends again like I did in my marriage. I will always find time to see my girlfriends and tend to my own independence and mental health, just as I encourage him to do. Hell, he even comes out with us on rare nights away from his job. He enjoys the camaraderie as much as we do because he see the value in it. We all see the value in friendships and relaxation, because by Thursday we are all pretty damned Thirsty for a break from the norm and for our Girls Night.
